‘Mum sent them £140,000’: How to spot the signs a loved one is being scammed

Woman Sends £140,000 to Romance Scammers as Criminals Use Deepfakes to Exploit Her

Helen’s 80-year-old mother believed she had fallen in love with a man she met online. When he was awaiting life-saving surgery at a hospital in Shanghai, she hollowed out a book, placed £10,000 in cash inside and posted it to him.

She believed that once he recovered, the two would be together. But the requests for money continued.

Then another man appeared. He claimed he had been kidnapped and would be killed unless a ransom was paid.

In total, Helen’s mother sent £140,000 to romance scammers.

Helen only realised the scale of what was happening after her mother accidentally sent her messages that had been intended for the criminals. Her mother subsequently became increasingly secretive.

“It became obvious to me something was going on again,” Helen says.

Her mother had met the scammers through Facebook. They used artificial intelligence to alter their appearance in photographs and video calls, a form of deception known as deepfake technology.

The case highlights the increasingly sophisticated methods used by fraudsters, as cases of fraud in the UK continue to rise. More than £1.3bn was stolen by scammers in 2025.

Helen noticed that her mother was frequently making phone and video calls but refused to say who she was speaking to.

She describes the experience of trying to understand what was happening as “emotionally draining”.

“I didn’t feel like I could cope with not having any tool to deal with it,” she told BBC Radio 4’s Scam Secrets. “That’s not expertise that most families have got.”

Signs that a loved one may be being scammed

According to Scam Secrets presenter Shari Vahl, families should look out for changes in behaviour and unusual activity.

Potential warning signs include:

• Changes in behaviour or mood

• Becoming evasive or unusually secretive

• Frequent visits to a post office or bank

• Unusual shopping habits, including buying gift cards

• Unusual financial activity, such as bank transfers or opening new accounts

• Communicating online or by phone in ways that are out of character

Families should stay “curious but not confrontational”

Helen initially struggled to persuade her mother that she was being deceived. She eventually decided to approach the situation calmly and try to create an environment in which her mother would feel able to talk openly.

Dale Richardson, a police fraud protection officer, advises families to remain “curious but not confrontational”.

He recommends asking open questions about how the relationship began and what the person claiming to be a romantic partner has told them.

Helen eventually persuaded her mother to let her speak to the man on a video call. She quickly became suspicious when she noticed that the image appeared “fuzzy” and that his voice did not match his movements.

However, her mother did not accept that the man was a scammer.

“She was saying I made her feel disgusted and ashamed,” Helen says. “And that I should let her have her relationship and not intervene.”

Forensic linguist Dr Lis Carter, who is part of the Scam Secrets team, says relatives need to be particularly careful when challenging someone who genuinely believes they are in a relationship.

“Being a family member coming into that, you are ‘destroying’ that happiness,” she says.

Contacting the bank can help break the scam

When Helen was unable to persuade her mother to end contact with the scammers, she turned to her bank.

Helen had lasting power of attorney, allowing her to act on her mother’s behalf and introduce safeguards around her accounts.

Jim Winters, head of economic crime at Nationwide, says anyone who believes a family member is being defrauded should contact their bank.

Banks may be restricted in what they can disclose because of data-protection rules, he says, but they can still take steps to protect an account.

“Once we know that a customer is being defrauded we can spot the hallmarks very quickly and take steps to break that spell,” Winters says.

The bank used by Helen’s mother has so far returned £45,000 to her account.

Helen also changed her mother’s phone number three times, but each time the new number was passed on to the scammers.

She eventually replaced her mother’s smartphone with a device capable only of making calls and sending texts.

Winters also recommends completely resetting a loved one’s digital footprint by changing phone numbers, email addresses and social media accounts.

He says removing those points of contact is an important part of preventing scammers from continuing to reach their victims.

What families can do

Experts and Helen’s experience suggest several practical steps for relatives who believe someone close to them is being targeted:

• Ask open questions: Stay calm and patient while gathering information.

• Contact the bank: Financial institutions may be able to introduce safeguards to protect the account.

• Bring in someone impartial: An independent person may make it easier for the victim to talk openly.

• Reset the person’s digital footprint: Changing phone numbers, email addresses and social media accounts can make it harder for scammers to maintain contact.

Source: Scam Secrets